It’s Friday the 13th and the only thing I find scary is how marketing hype for a hot title was able to completely sell out opening weekend tickets for a film that is utterly ridiculous.
I admit I contributed to this pop culture phenomenon. I liked the first 50 Shades of Grey book because I viewed it similar to the soap opera I was addicted to for most of my life. Yes, the book was poorly written and extremely graphic. But if you peel beneath the surface, their was a love story and explored many issues, not only S&M and submissive behaviors.
Truthfully, I wasn’t excited to see the film until I was being interviewed on CNN. I was unhappy with casting, particularly Mr. Christian Grey. I would have liked Ian Somerhalder or Chris Pines for the leading man.
I was extremely doubtful that a studio would be able to pull off a plausible remake of the book. As we all know, movie versions are never as good as the book.
I skipped reading US Weekly’s 50 Reasons 50 Shades of Grey Stinks and all the other media reviews. I rarely agree with the critics and I was determined to go in with an open mind.
I was actually quite pleasantly surprised when the movie opened. In his crisp designer suit, I initially felt as if Jamie Dornan could actually pull off being the beloved Mr. Grey. I was in awe of his huge, custom walk-in closet. I was feeling good and extremely hopefully.
But as I sat there watching Anastasia interview Mr. Grey during their initial encounter, I was concentrating way too much on way her bangs were crooked. The film followed the dialog in the book, but that’s just it. It felt as if both actors were just reading their scripted lines.
The biggest flaw is that the characters are completely one-dimensional, particularly the rest of the cast. If you hadn’t read the book, you never get to know Mr. Grey’s adopted family, Ana’s parents, friend Jose or her roommate Katherine Kavanagh played by beautiful Eloise Mumford. I felt most of these characters were completely miscast.
The scenes with a melancholy Christian playing the piano screams Pretty Woman, but he is no Richard Gere and Dakota Johnson is certainly not Julia Roberts. Why can’t studios make movies like this any more?
Truthfully, I felt like I was watching a long, drawn-out episode of The Bachelor, another guilty pleasure of mine. Only Mr. Grey and The Bachelor have dates that include private planes.
Other issues I have with the film is that Anastasia’s wardrobe is not the least bit stylish. Did the studio put all the money into the “Red Room of Pain” that they ran out of money for fabulous clothes? Where are all the designer clothes that Mr. Grey showers his muse with? I guess they take the stance that clothes are optional.
This film is just utterly 50 Shades wrong on so many levels. I could go on and on, but I think you get the message. Nor do I want to ruin it for any of those who are still going to subject themselves for 50 Shades of Pain.
A note of caution: Do not go see with a parent or anyone you are uncomfortable discussing sex with because the film has pornographic scenes. 50 Shades Oyvey….50 Yawns….50 Pieces of Burnt, Unbuttered, Cold Popcorn….
Happy Valentine’s Day weekend!