It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to this week’s guest Bachelor blogger: Dean Lennon who describes himself as “a professional who grew up and continues to reside in Massachusetts and an amateur Bachelor blogger on Facebook.”
If I had to pick one word for this season of The Bachelor, it would be underwhelmed. Having not seen Desiree’s season of The Bachelorette, I was not at all familiar with our leading man Juan Pablo. Maybe he was particularly charming with his accent and winning smile, but I’m simply not seeing it. I don’t get what it is with this guy. The word on the street is highly favorable but what exactly is he bringing to the table beyond his façade?
In days of yore, The Bachelor was overwhelmingly successful and also good looking. Now, it seems, good looking is the only prerequisite. By no means is Juan not successful—and we’re going with just Juan since only serial killers and people who kill presidents go by their first and middle names—but he’s not the type of “too good to be true” which describe his much more memorable predecessors. For example, he’s not the owner of his own thriving business, a quarterback or a doctor.
Juan also doesn’t strike me as particularly charming in the Brad Womack mold and he’s certainly not very funny or smart. He’s good looking and in fantastic shape, end of story. Of course, when one’s “occupation” is to love dogs, perhaps what’s between the Bachelor’s ears is not so important. Likewise for the soft-core porn stars amongst us. If you haven’t heard, Elise was recently outed by Reality Steve for having appeared topless in an internet video with several other women who apparently grope each other while snacking on marshmallows and enjoying a campfire.
Besides being underwhelmed by Juan, I’m underwhelmed by the complete lack of a contemptible villain as in days of yore. Just as the sun rises in the east, you can always count on one of The Ladies rising to the top as Bitch-In-Chief. There is always one contestant who is particularly nasty to the other girls, who is not there for “the right reasons” even more than the rest of the fame-seekers, who is “not there to make friends” with the other girls, and who shamelessly flaunts her sexuality.
Our dear 1st grade teacher, ahem… softcore porn star Elise, has all the makings of a villain, yet to my disappointment, she’s the one accusing non-descript Chelsea as being too young to step into the role of Camilla’s step-mother.
Elise, you have much to learn. You are the one the other ladies should fear. You need to stop wearing cover-ups over your bikini and you need to start trashing the other girls behind their backs while denying it to their face. Why isn’t Elise showing up at Juan’s house in the middle of the night because she needs to talk, do something slutty, shocking and completelyover the top? From my seat on the couch, Elise has no interest in Juan other than being her catapult to 7 or 8 minutes of fame (she cannot get to 15 IMHO) and an appearance on The ‘Pad so she needs to embrace her destiny as a villain.
Cassandra is another potential contender for villain although she does seem legitimately nice which would of course immediately disqualify her. That said, Cassandra’s resume consists of being an NBA dancer and getting knocked up at age 18, presumably by a player. Contrary to twitter rumors, Cassandra cannot be seen in the background of those Sally Struthers commercials for Ethiopia but God knows that she needs to increase her daily calorie intake past 500. Enjoyably, last night she sported swirly pants so tight that I’m guessing a trip to the bathroom was all but impossible. Dateless over the past three years, she’s giving love another a chance. What a trooper.
A dark horse candidate for villain is Sharlene. Typically the villain is in the top tier of what I’ll call contestant-goodlookingness since having good looks is threatening to the rest. Sharlene, while pretty, is not in that upper tier, but I can see things turning on our favorite opera singer pretty fast.
Being an opera singer, she does carry the air of a dignified woman which is decidedly a rare trait for a contestant. She clearly has trouble getting along with vapid aspiring models based on last night’s mini-meltdown and has been witnessed making out with Juan on at least two occasions. Having the audacity to kiss The Bachelor in front of the other girls is the number one way to become hated amongst the group. I think it’s part of the unwritten code of conduct as no good can come from it. Take a mix of haughtiness and mix it with a jealous pack of women sharing rooms together while dating the same man, well there are going to be some issues.
I’m predicting tough times ahead for Sharlene but hopefully she’s up for the venom ready to come her way. I have a feeling she’s prepared to fight back and defame the girls to Juan like a good villain should. I’m not positive she’s ready to seduce Juan however, based on her extremely awkward kiss with him last night. It seems to me the issue is a lack of compatibility between the two but inexplicably, Juan seems into her.
Speaking of kissing, we’re well overdue for a virus to just devastate the entire Bachelor Mansion. It only takes one of these ladies to catch the flu before the entire house contracts it through The Bachelor. Same goes for an STD needless to say. Scary stuff.
Stay tuned next week when fellow mom blogger Rachel Teichman (@oogiah) gives her two cents on this season of The Bachelor.