Former Bachelorette Emily Maynard celebrated her birthday yesterday. Meanwhile, Bachelorette Jillian Harris’ company Charlie Ford Vintage will be closing its virtual doors next week.
In Monday’s post, Beau & Arrow, I reviewed T.A/ Fosters’ book about college students whose final class project involved a reality based TV show. Since reading the book about London and Beau, I can’t help envision how they would reenact Juan Pablo’s season. Today its a treat to run T.A.’s guest post about episode 5 in Vietnam:
I was thrilled when Lainie asked me if I would be interested in guest blogging on her site for this week’s Bachelor episode. Little did I know, I would land the episode of the season. I’m not a Bachelor expert, but I have been a fan since the show’s beginning, and out of all of the seasons I’ve seen this episode was a top five on my list. Cupid’s arrow was all over it.
The girls and Juan Pablo left the kraziness of Korea behind in search of love in Vietnam. Kat may have summed up the traveling portion of The Bachelor best when she remarked, “This is like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? He travels and we follow.”
First One on One
The first date card arrived for Renee, asking the question, “Are we the right fit?” She answered by jumping up and down, declaring that she had butterflies, and revealing that her feelings for Juan Pablo “made her palms hurt.” This is a case where Cupid completely missed his target—it’s supposed to be in the heart, not the hands.
In the quaint, humid, and sultry village of Hoi An Juan Pablo peddled Renee around in a rickshaw before taking her to a dress shop to have a custom dress made for their dinner date.
There was lots of hand holding while the couple oohed and ahhed over silky fabrics. In a completely chivalrous move, Juan Pablo darted across the street and bought a fan for his date so she wouldn’t melt during her dress measurements. It was nice touch, and Renee obviously appreciated the gesture. I’d say Cupid steered our bachelor in the right direction on that one.
Renee and Juan Pablo had a private dinner in an empty restaurant. It seems that air conditioning is a luxury not found in most of Hoi An. Renee was all hot and bothered again and Juan Pablo offered to blow cool air on her. Since the beginning of the date, Renee gushed to the camera that she was determined to kiss Juan Pablo on this date. (She has been saying that since the first episode.) Unfortunately, the bachelor informed us that he wasn’t going to kiss Renee on the date—something about being worried about her mom status. After dinner the two strolled the streets and wound up near a candle float launch. Juan Pablo told Renee to make a wish and sail her candle boat out into the water. She made the number one mistake in wish making—she wished and told. That kiss was doomed from the minute she hopped in the rickshaw. In the end, sweet and positive Renee landed the date rose. I think Cupid was confused during this date—his aim was all over the place.
“Can you go with the flow?” the group date card asked. My immediate answer for them was no, no they can’t, but that’s just not how things flow in Bachelorland. Sharleen, Kat, Andi, Chelsie, Danielle, Cassandra, Alli, and Clare were chosen for the group date. They arrived waterside and were told to pair off and climb into paddleboats that looked like big baskets. Everyone had a partner except for Clare, so she ended up in Juan Pablo’s basket. It’s times like these when not having friends in the house gives a girl a real advantage. Somehow Juan Pablo weaved the floating basket into a pile of reeds. Sneaking in a few kisses, he and Clare hid out while the other girls enjoyed their own one-on-one dates. Cupid was at it again—Chelsie said she and Alli had a romantic time.
After a strange pick-your-own-lunch date, the evening unfolded into a cocktail party. Everyone was stunned with Juan Pablo chose to spend his first alone time with Clare, who he had practically spent the entire group date with already. He led her to his suite where they swam in his private pool. How Clare knew to pack a bikini to a cocktail party, I don’t know, but give credit to a girl who is always fashionably prepared for any possible date scenario.
Apparently, while the bachelor and Clare were swimming in the pool, not really cold enough to cool them down, Cupid was having a few cocktails with the other girls. Once Juan Pablo started divvying his time with the other girls, the arrows started flying in all directions. First he kissed Sharleen on the beach, then Andi. But, in the end, Clare got the group date rose and the other girls were shocked, crushed, and disappointed.
Obviously, Clare was hit so hard by Cupid’s cocktail arrow, that even after getting the rose she went rogue and completely forgot her octopus fear. She proclaimed, “I didn’t want it to end.” Breaking the conventional show rules, she rang the bachelor’s doorbell at 4 a.m. and asked him to help her mark something off her Vietnam bucket list—swimming in the warm ocean. Juan Pablo didn’t hesitate. I mean, he didn’t even pause—he was in his swim trunks faster that you can say, “will you accept this rose.” He and Clare hit the waves, and this is where I fade to black. Discuss amongst yourselves what you think happened in the depths of the China Sea.
Second One on One
I tried my best to pay attention to Nikki’s “Let’s have a hell of a good time” date, but I was so distracted by her headband and by Clare’s sneak attack that I had a hard time giving her my total focus.
I do think Nikki likes Juan Pablo, but she might have been more excited to get out of the house than to have a date. I would love to see one of the applications for the Bachelor, because I’m pretty sure in the blank where it lists fears, you should write in “adorable puppies,” otherwise you end up like Nikki strapped in a harness and headed straight for hell. After facing her fears and tackling the cliché hurdles that all relationships face, she and Juan Pablo rappelled two hundred feet, made out in a sweaty fury, and skipped off to a cave lunch date. I hope they saw some cool things like cave creatures, or the secrets to the Hellmouth while they were down there.
Later, the two met again in more proper cave attire for a romantic dinner—Juan Pablo in his yellow shirt and Nikki in a cute black cocktail dress. Nikki discussed her career in nursing, and Juan Pablo doled out the coveted date rose. With utter giddiness, she confessed that she was so happy it felt like she had been electrocuted. Cupid must have thought he was still on the group date and hit Nikki with too many arrows.
Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
The girls, who looked stunning, arrived by boat to a colorful lantern-laden cocktail party. (Set designers, whoever you are, you rocked that cocktail décor.) The excited, optimistic moods of the ladies quickly dissipated when Juan Pablo entered the room. The news that three girls were going home that night hit everyone particularly hard, and the tension immediately escalated. Kat’s heart sank, Chelsie’s confidence dropped, and Andi worried she might not be out of the physical zone. Cassandra and Sharleen had almost no screen time. Juan Pablo set aside time for Renee who assured him her eight-year-old would be completely fine with his mom kissing the bachelor—her argument totally worked—she finally got her kiss! Cupid must have aimed for her heart and not the hands this time.
Meanwhile, Juan Pablo debated whether it was fair to take Clare to the ocean. In his one-on-one talk with her he said, “what happened happened.” It was as if Cupid took the arrow and broke it in Clare’s face. Then Juan Pablo picked up the arrow and broke it into twenty pieces as he continued to tell her he regretted whatever it was they did in the ocean. Clare’s tears, apologies, and confusion flowed. She was visibly upset, but tried to play it off as bad allergies. Eventually, Juan Pablo coaxed her back to the group with smooth finesse, just in time for the rose ceremony.
For the first time Chris Harrison did not announce that this would be the most dramatic rose ceremony in Bachelor history, but I think it just might have been. Opportunity missed, ABC. Renee, Nikki, and Clare were safe with roses, but three girls were headed home. Juan Pablo had tears in his eyes for almost every rose he handed out, but when it came to the final one, he couldn’t hold back anymore. Danielle, Kelly, and Alli were left rose-less as all the girls hugged and exchanged tearful goodbyes.
Next week they’re off to New Zealand. Let’s hope Cupid’s arrow hits all the right targets in the land down under.